Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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