i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
