he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
