I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
i'm transferring to degrassi. i don't care that it's severely canadian. classes are five minutes long, there's no actual work and you can get oot of class whenever you want to go have a dramatic scene with someone in the hall
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
