Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
Randomize
