we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize
