Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
Randomize
