I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize
