I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
she peed on how many people?
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
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