i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
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