I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
