How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Randomize
