Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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