This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Randomize
