I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
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