I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
Randomize
