why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Randomize
