dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Randomize
