I hate all girls vehemently.
My sheets look like a crime scene.
He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
