I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
