Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
one might say we're banned from that church
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
Randomize
