recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Randomize
