I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
what is it with giant penises always finding me
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Randomize
