Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
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