well you can't waste a boner
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
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