Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Randomize
