don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
