yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
Randomize
