i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
MIDGETS
????
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
