he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
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