god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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