I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
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