I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
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