I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
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cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
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Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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