and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
