If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize
