Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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