dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
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