I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Randomize
