I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize
