Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Randomize
