I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize
