Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
Randomize
