First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
I think my nap took me to another dimension
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Randomize
