I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
