fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Randomize
