The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
