Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
