I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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