you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
