I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Randomize
