FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
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