Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
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winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
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I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
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