I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
