Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
i came on her dog
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
Randomize
