put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
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