I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
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