a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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