Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
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