I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
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