i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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