Fine. I'll sleep in my office
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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