she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
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