i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
Randomize
