her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
Randomize
