She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
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I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
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The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
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