Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
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