apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
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